Author: Rachael

What a month and a bit away from Instagram taught me.

Published by Rachael

I remember when I first became aware of Instagram. A friend of mine was showing me all these beautiful little squares on her phone. I have always been a teeny tiny bit behind the curve. I’ve never even purchased a smart phone. My phone is a kindly gifted hand me down from my much more tech savvy mother-in-law. Nevertheless, I was enchanted by the concept of Instagram: A gallery in my pocket. I’m a very visual person and found the artistry and creative input on each of these little squares to be really engaging and charming. Sometimes I still need to remind myself of that love-at-first-sight reaction I had to the platform. Sometimes it’s nice to remember that there is so much creativity and interesting conversations or new perspectives to be found on Instagram. However, this December, I wasn’t feeling like that about Instagram. At all. In fact, I was on the verge of deleting the whole caboodle. Instagram was making me unhappy. And I know I’m not the only person who might be feeling …

Vision Boards and Some Words of Encouragement for 2022

Published by Rachael

January is well and truly on the way isn’t it? I’m sure I’m not the only one, but I always have the lingering feeling of being ‘behind the curve’ with each New Year. I seem to still have one foot in the year before and am not quite ready to step fully into this one. This year that feels especially true. I’m now home in Sheffield after 17 months of living in New Zealand. January feels as if it is flying past me as I settle back into my home and reconnect with friends and family. Honestly, its been at times a bit of a bumpy transition. I’ve gone from an NZ summer into the UK’s deep dark winter. For the first few days of being back home I felt as if I’d fallen into a black and white movie. All the colours seemed dull and grey and my eyes struggled to adjust to the change. I’ve also had the sensation of landing in a country that has had to deal with the stormy effects …

Why I gave Yoga a second chance…and gave body shaming the boot.

Published by Rachael

The first time I attempted yoga was about ten years ago. It really really didn’t go well. So much so that I have a clear memory of leaving the yoga class at the end and dipping into the loos for a cry before carefully schooling my face to match all the other zen millennials’ crowing about the benefits of yoga. This is not what this blog post is about by the way. This isn’t about me trying to convince you to roll out your mat and start cat-cowing your way to contentment (obviously very cool if that is your jam). No this blog post is really about shame, and how we can hold shame in our bodies for a long time. This blog post is about taking a tiny bit of our power back when society makes you feel like a holey dishcloth your dad made from one of his old polo shirts. Spoiler alert: you are not a holey dish cloth and you never will be. So strap in (no pun intended) as I …

The best piece of self-care advice I’ve ever been given and something invaluable I’ve learnt in New Zealand.

Published by Rachael

One stormy day my supervisor and I were ping ponging back and forth with our frustration about how challenging it is to look after ourselves when our cup is empty. I remember the little attic room which we always met in and the sway of a huge oak tree outside the window that was getting battered by the rain outside. My supervisor noticed me looking out of the window and joined me in watching the tree getting lashed with wind, it’s branches getting bent backwards, it’s delicate spring leaves getting tattered before my eyes. Then I said, ‘I feel a bit like that tree right now.’ ‘Hmmmm.’ She replied, she would rarely rescue me from my discomfort and today was no different. ‘I suppose the storm isn’t the best place to plan from, when you’re in it… you’ve just got to be in it.’ I’ve thought about this conversation a lot over the years. It’s a theme that comes up again and again in my work. When you’re in the storm of a mental health …

Procrastination: The socially acceptable Mean Girl.

Published by Rachael

For the longest time I would joke about my procrastination tendencies. Again and again throughout my twenties I have laughed off my decision fatigue, my doubt and most frequently my fear for the sake of the cutie pie girl next door: Procrastination. A little like Procrastination’s mean big sister Perfectionism (she needs a whole blog post of her own!) Procrastination can be played off as an asset. She’s funny and lighthearted, relatable in a meme, she gives you license to put off today what you can do tomorrow. After all…that’s future me’s problem, right? (playful wink) Now, I’m all for letting ourselves off the hook when we need to. If you’ve read anything else I’ve ever written on this blog, then you know I’d be the last person to shake my head at someone taking rest and slowing down. It is vital for our well being. However, this is where procrastination can be so insidious. Procrastination can look like rest to the external eye, it can look like self-care, like productive de-cluttering sprees, scrolling and …

‘She’s off with the fairies again..’Reflections from my inner child.

Published by Rachael

“Mrs Mobbs…your daughter, Rachael, well, oh how can I put this. She’s always off with the fairies.” My teacher placed her hands primly on her lap flicking off a piece of dust from the pin stripe material. Her mouth settled into an unsatisfied thin line and she settled her gaze on my Mum, expectant and firm. I’d been staring out of the window trying to spot mushrooms sprouting in the cracks between the large concrete paving slabs that led to the jungle gym at the back of the school. To my teacher’s credit, I probably was thinking about fairies at the time and probably was imagining them taking shelter from the rain under dandelion leaves or resting their heads down to nap on the squishy yellow centers of daisies. Now my attention was firmly on my mum. I felt the air shift and a tension ripple through the air like a wasp flying past your ear. Was I in trouble, was something wrong with me? There was a long silence between the two women. Then …

Turning Brave Upside Down

Published by Rachael

‘You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.’ Brene Brown ‘In You Must Go’. I’ve got a secret to tell you. For a little while here in New Zealand I have been living outside my story. I’ve been putting a huge amount of pressure on myself to ‘make the most’ of this ‘special time’. I’ve pushed my heart sideways, I’ve said ‘Yes’ to things I really really should have said ‘No’ to. I’ve tried to be ‘brave’ in the face of loss and loneliness and found myself more lost than ever through that. What is it that we define as brave? What does brave look like in our minds eye? For me brave has always looked like a pretty individualistic pursuit. Brave people throw themselves into the unknown with abandon. Brave people take a deep breath and jump into that murky water. Brave people steam ahead leading the charge with their courage and unyielding sense of intuition that they are on the right …

Guided Journal Review: Finding ‘The One’.

Published by Rachael

I’m a big fan of writing it down. Always have been, always will be. There are so many reasons why I love writing as a form of expression; yet I think the main reason is a sense of control. If a thought or an experince can be distilled into a few words on a piece of paper for me it stops being this mythical, nebulous multitude of thoughts that I can’t catch into something that can be seen, read over, returned to and for a time maybe even forgotten. I love writing. However, I’m an exceptionally patchy journal keeper. I have countless notebooks that have entries from 2016 right up to 2021. I can go months without the desire to write in my journal (even though I know it makes me feel lighter and clearer). Recently I’ve realised that this has something to do with the empty page. Sometimes I relish an empty page, but the majority of the time when I’m really trying to work through something knotty in my heart and soul an …

The Taboo Emotion: Anger

Published by Rachael

As a society, anger overlays so much of our emotional reality, and yet it is banished and regularly shoved under hypothetical carpets. Anger in our complex society of social constructs is the fat, hefting elephant in the room. The ‘bad thing’ locked in the basement that we turn up the television on so we don’t have to hear it knocking. For women in particular expressing anger can feel almost impossible. I know I’m not the only person who is more likely to cry (mimicking sadness) when I am angry rather than actually express that anger and name it. When I was training as a counsellor one moment really stands out to me in helping me process my own anger and not view it as this hideous part of my internal reality. Towards the end of my training a body work specialist came to demonstrate some of their work to my training group. I heard them before I saw them, crashing and banging, heaving something heavy up the stairs of the building. It was a punching …

Digital Overwhelm, Popcorn friends & Billy Collins

Published by Rachael

‘The biggest deception of our digital age may be the lie that says we can be omni-competent, omni-informed, and omni-present…we must choose our absence, our inability, and our ignorance – and choose wisely.’ From Kevin DeYoung ‘Crazy Busy’. I’ve been following an Australian clothing brand on Instagram (stay with me here…) it’s beautiful. Full of bright colours and sun-kissed filming locations. Clicking on their icon instantly transports me into a moving magazine; a digital Disneyland where everything is shiny, easy going and fun. On top of this, the women who run this business are funny, seemingly kind and rarely fail to bring a smile (or snort of laughter) to my day. They post chatty videos of them drinking coffee and talking about their lives while sorting through beautiful bright reams of fabric and sketches of new designs in their notebooks. When I watch these videos I feel as if I’ve been invited into their little slice of the world, it’s like popcorn: sweet, addictive and you just keep chewing. I really enjoy this corner of …