All posts tagged: counselling

Tides of Change and Bright Stars

Once, when I was first training as a counsellor we were asked to think about some of the most significant changes that had happened to us. Then we were asked to think of one change we would characterise as ‘good’ and one we would judge to have had an ‘adverse or bad’ impact on our lives. I’d normally like to consider myself a pretty optimistic person; yet I found the ‘adverse’ changes far easier to pick out then the one’s I had been an active participant in. My counselling tutor then went onto conduct a session on our brains negativity bias and how as humans we are hardwired to linger on those tough changes and less likely to celebrate or recognise the good ones. That particular afternoon has stuck with me. Change will happen. Sometimes it will be of our own making (like our choice to relocate to NZ for a year) sometimes it will be forced upon us. We lose our job, we lose a loved one, unexpected ill health. Sometimes change hides under …

Leaning into Vulnerability

I’m not a big fan of flying. I’m not phobic; yet the whole performance of arriving early, going through security, finding the right gate, running to that gate because it’s actually 25 minutes away from you, then being thrust into the sky completely out of control to an unfathomable height leaves me feeling…unnerved and vulnerable. Flying to New Zealand last week had all of these worries and anxieties attached to it. On top of this, we are flying in the middle of a global pandemic. I was choosing to sit in a tightly enclosed space where social distancing would be difficult and spend 21 hours in an environment where the air is being constantly circulated. Crikey. Everything about this journey felt pretty unnatural for me. I’m the kind of person who needs to go for a walk outside every day despite the weather. My nature is a quiet one, essentially, I’m a classic home-bird who would rather visit far flung places within the pages of a book then with my own two feet. Yet at …

Hands and Hearts: An Activist and a Counsellor in Conversation

Jo has been a friend of mine for a few years now, so when she set up her new blog Climate.Emergence: http://www.climateemergence.co.uk I was so excited to find out more. Her blog is such a wonderful resource and so inspiring. Jo approached me and asked if I’d be interested in doing a joint blog post together. Of course I jumped at the opportunity to ask her some questions! We really hope you enjoy this collaborative blog post. Jo asks Rachael: 1.      What inspired you to become a counsellor? As part of my MA in 18th Century Literature, I took part in a year-long work placement. These were pretty randomly allocated and I got Sheffield Arts and Wellbeing Network (SAWN) which is an organisation that links people within the city who are promoting wellbeing within Sheffield. My role was to interview their members and to create blog post content for their website. I had a wonderful time meeting a huge variety of people from priests to hospital interior designers, artists and potters, poets and counsellors. One …

Meditation Apps: To Calm or to Headspace?

I mourn the days when I had a brick phone that could be dropped down six flights of stairs and be completely fine. I miss having my black block that rang when I was called and beeped when I had a text. I miss snake, I miss the simplicity of it. It’s taken me quite a long time to get over the fact that the world isn’t going to go back to these friendly non-invasive blocks. It’s taken me a little while to realise that I am probably being nostalgic about my old phone and my old relationship with technology. The truth is, I’m not going back… So the question is how do I make my smart phone something that allows me to feel free and to benefit from it; without the pitfalls of the social media hamster wheel and the illusion that I am free to be contacted any time of the day or night. For me, finding meditation apps has been a huge tick in the smart phone’s favour. I’m a big fan …

Favourite Five Calming Reads

Books have always been a constant source of comfort and inspiration in my life. I think books are the reason I even found myself becoming a therapist. I’ve always loved narrative, I’ve always valued that glimpse into another person’s world view. Books have often been one of the most helpful companions to me in times of worry or distress. A cup of tea and a few minutes in a book can make a huge difference sometimes. The books I’ve listed below are just that; five of my favourite books to dip into if I’m needing a little grounding or a reminder to slow down. I’ve read A LOT of well being books in the last five years; these titles have stood the test of time and still bring me a lot of comfort and inspiration. ‘The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down’ by Haemin Sunim Haemin is a Zen Buddhist Teacher and Monk from South Korea. I picked this book up from the National Trust on a drizzly walk on holiday as …

Values Work: Creating Your Own Cornerstones

Spending time reflecting will look different for all of us. I find looking at art in books or from galleries I’ve visited calms my mind and allows space to reflect. This beauty is from the York Gallery Collection. After a week of reflection I’ve come to the conclusion that the change that needs to happen within me has to be anchored in me. If I want to seed change outwardly and be part of a movement of change it must first start at home. This is where working with our core values comes in. Living in accordance with our values can help us find a way to living authentically and feeling justified in our decisions by surrounding ourselves by what matters most to us. Values can act as anchors that we can draw strength from when we are in need of stabilising. One of the ways that we can unearth our values is by finding key words that speak to you and then create your own definition for your values. So grab a note book …

Some Thoughts on Setting Boundaries

“The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none” On Instagram several times a day! When I think of the word ‘boundary’ I have to say the connotations that come up for me are universally wary and cautious. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way about boundaries. For many people setting boundaries can feel deeply uncomfortable. I actually on some level disagree with the quote above. Change is difficult, it’s difficult for us as individuals to gain the self-awareness to change and then to action this outwardly. Often when change does occur it can lead to those closest to us feeling unsure, skeptical or even angry. It’s not a black and white situation of ‘us and them’, it’s nuanced and complex. I think this is why a lot of people avoid setting boundaries in the first place. This is especially true for those of us who are recovering people-pleasers or sensitive souls. It can mean exerting a lot of emotional …

Getting Started with Self-Care

‘Learning self-care is like building your own lifeboat, plank by plank. Once you’ve got your boat, you’ll still be rocked by the waves of life, but you’ll have a feeling of safety, and a stability that means you can pick other people up on your way.’ Quote from ‘Self -care for the Real World’ by Nadia Narain & Katia Narain Phillips One of the most common things that comes up in conversations I have about self-care is the idea of selfishness. That spending a portion of our most precious resource: our time, to nurture ourselves somehow means that we are neglecting other’s and our responsibilities to them. The second most common theme that seems to come up is time (and a supreme lack of it) to spend on self-care. I used to feel this way too. I used to feel self-indulgent and guilty if I sat in the garden reading or daydreaming. In busier seasons of my life I perpetually ‘prioritised’ other’s needs before my own and rarely had time for myself by the end …

Finding Calm Before Bed

I have never been a ‘good’ sleeper, I’m definitely a night owl. Roald Dahl put it beautifully in The BFG: “The witching hour, somebody had once whispered to her, was a special moment in the middle of the night when every child and every grown-up was in a deep deep sleep, and all the dark things came out from hiding and had the world all to themselves.” The BFG by Roald Dahl I used to love that feeling; of having the world all to myself. I would regularly sit up til two in the morning reading. I would tip toe downstairs to the kitchen and watch the foxes from the backdoor ferry their young across the garden by the scruff of their necks. I adored the stillness of the night. The soft murmur of the wind on the roof, the dart of a bat in the corner of my eye. For some reason it energised me, my imagination would zip into life. Wired, wide awake. Alive, when everyone else was away. This is still very …

Living in the Here and Now: When did it get so complicated?

Whenever I hear about mindfulness a small part of me draws away feeling slightly cynical, and honestly, a little fatigued with it’s perfect ‘zen’ image. When I think about mindfulness I think of google executives in flip flops, or yoga gurus with flat stomachs and unflappable self-discipline. People who are ‘mindful’ don’t demolish an entire pack of Jaffa Cakes while writing blog posts… Why is that? I’m not sure why or when mindfulness got to be so complicated; so unattainable. Yet, for many of us the idea of creating a mindfulness practice seems a far off, distant state of being. In my work this has been something I’ve really had to grapple with. There is compelling evidence and research about mindfulness and how it can improve our mental and physical health. For example; A 2011 systematic review of more than 20 randomised controlled trials successfully demonstrated improvements in overall mental health, as well as its benefits for reducing risk of relapse from depression. Similarly, substantial evidence within these trails points towards mindfulness as having a …